no direction.

"life is not about finding yourself, its about creating yourself."

who am i? that cliche, angsty teen question is something i've been thinking about a lot lately. i don't feel like i have a clear sense of who i am, and its disorienting. that is, i know exactly what i want to be, but i don't think i will ever get there.

i want to be carefree. i want to be effortless. i want to be a free spirit, just floating about on a whim, with no regard to logic or planning. i want to travel on a whim, take a road trip if i feel like it, go to a music festival and camp out, leave anxiety behind.

i want long wavy hair that looks easy no matter the weather. i link my looks to happiness, and i'm no where near what i feel like i should look like. i want to be slim-hipped and skinny, able to throw any old thing on and look amazing. i want wide-set eyes and a delicate mouth, a more-heart shaped face, one that doesn't look like a big rectangle with my hair pulled back. i want sharp shoulders. i want a tattoo on my ribcage, just one word. i want to be shorter. i don't. i want longer legs. i want lighter hair. i don't want my face to crunch up the way it does when i truly laugh. i want to look amazing in candid photos. i don't know what i want.

i feel older than my age. i feel younger than my age. i feel like i know everything. i feel like everyone knows more than i do. i feel like most people have already had so many more life experiences. i feel like i have had so many more life experiences. i feel like i know what i want to do, and i feel like i don't. i have goals, but they aren't crystal clear, and they're something i'm afraid i'm not cut out for. i resent people younger than me who have a much stronger sense of self.

i fear mediocrity. i fear being average. no one strives for second place, yet i have a feeling that i won't succeed. i feel like i'm selling myself short. i feel like i could have done so much better in school. i feel like my scores could have been higher. i feel like i should go to the best schools because i have potential, but i don't feel that i would enjoy myself. maybe i would. i don't give anything a chance. i feel like i so desperately want to get away, but i'm scared to be alone. i'm afraid of leaving old friends behind, which is such a stupid thing to do. i feel as though i'll burn out so quickly if i don't do something i like in life, but i worry that doing something i like as a career will diminish its value. if i even get there of course. someone has to work in the industry, someone has to claw their way up, so who says it can't be me? who says it can. i don't have the experience. i didn't choose to go to college in nyc, i'm not taking it seriously. i'll end up a nurse or something predictable, something i hate because i was afraid of putting myself out there.


pathetic? yes. but this was rather cathartic.
regular photos and such will return shortly.

future love.

i feel as though this sums up my day.

minty fresh.

after keeping my nails black for about a year, i went mint green.
china glaze in re-fresh mint.

old london shirt today.

venti coffee light frappuccino.

an excessively long post of winter and sweden.

i miss winter. well, i miss the pathetic excuse for winter that south carolina receives. its only february and today it was 60 degrees. this weekend i went running outside, in the sunshine, in 65 degree weather, and i was hot. in february! this is a travesty.

i'm one of the only people i know that loves winter. while most people who live in the south love the heat, i spend summer looking forward to winter. i love cold weather, i love gray skies, and oh my godddd do i love snow. being vain, i also love that i look presentable during winter. i am not a pretty girl in the summer. red face from the 100 degree weather? sweating as soon as i step outside in the constant humidity? frizzy, nasty hair from inheriting the god-awful curls hailing somewhere from my dad's side? not cute.

oh but let's get back to snow. i love it so much. there's nothing like waking up to a winter wonderland. i'm so envious of those who have full snowy winters. we typically get it once a year, if that, and its just a few inches. we had one day of snow earlier this month. laskdhfokh so beautiful.

my love, scarlett.

the weather is just one of the many reasons i am enamored with sweden. they have winter. with snow. for a long time. and with or without, its absolutely gorgeous. it looks like a place where you could walk around for weeks and never run out of things to explore.

stockholm.

second, shopping. as i live in a town of aberzombies, i have none of these, and while going to h&m is nothing special for some, it is when its three hours away and does not ship:

cheap monday: which, by the way, has a bad ass logo.

acne jeans. metal kneepads? yes.

weekday.


beyond retro.

black book.

chicy.

tshirt store.

plus topshop, urban outfitters, zara, american apparel, etc. are you kidding me? if only these stores were the norm where i live, good god why am i not swedish? plus beyond retro? we have a pretty good vintage store, but i've always wanted to go here. and big soft hoodies from chicy? a WHOLE STORE dedicated to tshirts? i could spend a good chunk of my day (and cash) digging through piles of big random tshirts.


third, everyone seems to be gorgeous with amazing style. the very first blog i ever read was lisaplace, from sweden, which i still follow. i'm not quite sure how i found it, and until i discovered google translate i just looked at the pictures. but i love what she wears. so relaxed without looking sloppy and with a similar appreciation of tshirts and tights. and the photography. like i've said, i wish i could find someone to follow me around and document random moments.

and she's not the only one. swedish blogs are my favorite for inspiration. everyone seems to just possess this effortless look that takes me much more effort than i'm sure it takes them. i'm also always on http://stockholmstreetstyle.feber.se/ lovely.

well, now that i've rambled for about eight years, i'd like to go to sweden. any takers?

LACKING INSPIRATION.

oh blahh. school is making me incredibly boring. i should be writing a massive essay right now. obviously that's not working.

so i spent the day with the most wonderful best friend ever yesterday. taking various pictures throughout the day, we sat on the roof, debated the merits of the lovely lady gaga and her song "teeth," annoyed the workers at panera bread, and learned the secrets of the underverse.
to start the day, we searched around two barnes and nobles for new magazines. whilst the majority of people our age around here like to spend their time "partying" or going out on the farm or whatever, we go to barnes and noble and sit for hours reading fashion magazines. unfortunately nothing was new, but we crept around anyways.

green tea frappe from the tea junction. so afkhdthlk delicious.

my lovely other half, amber, and i browsing SERIOUS ADULT BOOKS.

there's a mexican restaurant next to one of the barnes and nobles called don pablo's. one day i was convinced it was called don enchilada's. yesterday i was convinced the whole building was purple. neither is true, but that didn't stop us from staging an impromptu photoshoot in front of the arch as various people walked in front of the camera and looked at us like we were homeless.

don pablo's. the real enchilada. a brick building with a purple arch. i was close.

we then raced home, trying to beat the sunset so we could sit on my roof and read the few magazines we bought and my lovely new book of british fashion designers. sunset won, and it was too dark to see anything, and our brilliant idea to plug in a lamp and put it on the windowsill resulted in breaking the lamp. i wasn't surprised.

hungry after all of this black and white photowhoring, we picked up dinner at panera. amber got mac and cheese, where, being my mature self, i proceeded to obnoxiously say MACNCHEESE as she ordered. the guy making our food didn't hear this, but was very angry anyway as he forcefully threw our utensils in the bag. sorry you hate your job, salad-maker, but you don't have chuck knives about.

on the way home, lady gaga blared through the car as usual. i. love. her. i'm sure there will be a post about her one of these days. but anyways, teeth was playing. and when teeth's playing, its hard to resist showing your teeth and proceeding to take a picture of this while driving.

"got no salvation
(no salvation)
got no religion
no religion
(my religion is you)..."

according to my dad, this song is about sticking up for yourself.
its not.





in the spirit of true photowhoring, the pictures continued. in my backyard, in the dark, with crappy flash and cold hands.

she cut her hand on a tree. we don't know.

i love her ♥

in two weeks we're going to atlanta to spend the weekend with pictures and shopping and surely higher levels of obnoxiousness and maturity. we have a thing for atlanta and constantly refer to it as atl-atl-atl. wannabe rappers? maybe.

"welcome to atlanta where the playas play
and we ride on them things like every day
big beats, hit streets, see gangsta's roamin'
and parties dont stop til' eight in the mornin'."
-- "welcome to atlanta"
ludacris

as i said, maturity.

i've spotted you.

i need a pair of leopard tights. really. absolutely perfect with a big tshirt (my favorite, hence the blog title, what originality!) and beat up white converse (yet another favorite).

the girl from my header. you can't see her shoes, but i'm thinking white high tops.

i need to find these.
+ skinny legs, to be short enough that most tshirts would actually cover my butt, and to dirty up my converse. they're infuriatingly white.

rub that glitter + grease around.